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|Monday March. 10, 2003 |
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ALICE IN WONDERHILL
by Angelo Persichilli
THE HILL TIMES
Last week an MP described
Parliament Hill and its community as "the Price Club of the Gossips." This was
a bit harsh because the picture on the Hill these days is much more
complicated.
But lately, I have to admit watching the goings-on in Ottawa is a little like
watching Alice in Wonderland. These days, the Hill has been the place where
reality and fantasy meet, crush together, trade places, mix each other up and
create a picture that looks like a Salvador Dali painting, the master of
surrealism. It's a place where rules are vague, creatively interpreted and
loosely applied.
Look at the conflict of interest code, for instance. It guarantees
transparency just like the arrival and departure billboards at airports
guarantee arrivals and departures because it only takes a little snow fall and
flights are "cancelled" or "delayed."
North of the Queensway and on Parliament Hill, basically you can do whatever
you want, just as long as you do it with a touch of class (not much),
creativity (a lot) and, of course, with some wax in your ears and a slice of
ham on your eyes to avoid reading or hearing annoying comments from those
boring Canadians.
And don't be fooled. Things won't be changed any time soon because what you
see these days is a replay of the last days of Brian Mulroney's government and
a preview of the years to come, regardless of who wins government.
Folks are left with the impression that the country is on the verge of a
national catastrophe and in the House there is a constant mood of "The Last
Days Of Pompei" with the White Knight ready to save us all. Yeah, right.
Now there's a former Toronto City councillor leading a national party in the
hallways of the Hill with the media leaping behind him like pigeons looking
for crumbs or scrums. He, Julius Jack Caesar Layton, believes that Toronto is
"caput mundi," Toronto is Canada, and that The Toronto Star is The
New York Times.
To get an idea of what Toronto is all about, you only need to walk the streets
of the former cities of Scarborough or Etobicoke, (never mind Mississauga or
Hamilton) and you quickly get an idea of how much those people are detached
from the rest of the country, the reality of the new Canada.
But, hey, this is WonderHill, after all, so come on down and enjoy the show.
Inside the House, the atmosphere is not more reassuring than in the hallways.
Reforms, programs and visions are never an issue. But what are predominating
themes are these stories of watergates, incompetence and bigotry. Question
Period is like a dialogue between two people talking at the same time in a
different language. You get the impression that if one leader asked another
leader what time it was the other would respond, 'My name is Mike.'
But, hey, that's progress and in WonderHill, all is possible, the possible is
probable and the probable is reality.
Have you ever heard of an MP asking the ethics commissioner to rewrite the
rules of conflict of interest just in case he becomes Prime Minister? On the
other hand, have you ever seen anyone in the federal opposition attacking an
MP instead of talking about the budget of the government?
That's not all. The mood is so eerie in WonderHill that last week I also had
the impression that the Prime Minister was even defending Paul Martin. Can you
believe it? I'm sure that the Prime Minister went to see his confessor shortly
after. Fortunately, Paul Martin was not in the House, otherwise, he would have
had a nightmare: can you imagine, Martin being defended by Chrétien and
Collenette? Things are really upside down.
However, contrary to what many believe, Mr. Martin and Mr. Chrétien have many
things in common. Would you have ever imagined that both of them would be
embarrassed by a fleet? Of course not. But then again, how could you expect a
ship not to set sail because helicopters can't fly?
But, hey, come on aboard: in WonderHill, all is possible, the possible is
probable and the probable is reality.
Talking about fiction and reality: who would have ever predicted that Martin's
machine, you know the one, the army that obliterates all rivals even before
they enter the fray, could be defeated by the puny electoral machine of
Liberal MP Sarmite Bulte? Yeah, the phalanx of the former minister of finance,
(36 supporters, I repeat, 36 supporters) were brought to the carpet in the
downtown Toronto riding of Parkdale -- High Park by 39 Bulte supporters?
This begs another question: if the effective, opulent, well-oiled, powerful
electoral machine of Paul Martin cannot get more than 36 people in the
downtown Toronto Parkdale -- High Park riding (yeah, the one right beside Tony
Ianno's Trinity-Spadina riding), how many of these Liberals will they be able
to organize in Alliance territory? And are they going to have these delegate
nominations in the back seat of a Ferrari?
And, one more question: based on what intelligence did Allan Rock back out of
the race because there was no room for growth? Did he try Parkdale-High Park?
Who knows? In WonderHill you are allowed to ask questions, just don't expect
any answers. It's a show. And, when the lights are off on the Hill, the show
moves to Hy's or Mama Teresa's in Ottawa, where the food is good and prices no
problem (most of the time lobbyists will take care). A dinner for two is a
gossip session, because all you need is three people and you start a political
organization. A dinner for four becomes a conspiracy to overturn Chrétien's
government.
True or false? Fiction or reality? Who cares. It's WonderHill, come on down
and enjoy the show.
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